Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I am turning into that ridiculous person who ogles twins

From the archives:

I had a revelation the other day at the gym as a gigantic Graco duoglider double stroller came out of the elevator and I gravitated towards it and the exhausted mother with an uncontrollable urge to see the little bundles of joy tucked safely in their carseats.  How quickly I forgot how much I disliked being accosted by random people when trying to maneuver that monstrosity of a stroller in public.

"Oh, are they twins?"

That was always my favorite question and I always wish I had the balls to say my prepared snarky response:  No, lady, I just happened to be babysitting my sisters kid and just happened to have a double stroller and matching car seat handy.

"Yes," clearly not in the mood to talk.  She was likely trying to gear herself up to load all babies, including all of their shit, in the car.  But, no matter to me.  I wanted to talk twins!  So off I went...

"Oh, aren't they cute.  I have twin boys.  They are 3 1/2.  I remember when mine were that little.  Enjoy them now because they grow sooooooo fast.  And when they get mobile, watch out!  I wish I could go back to the time when mine couldn't move and destroy."

I barely registered the look of horror on the mother's face as I continued on my merry way,

"How old are they?"

"3 months."  She's still thinking to herself, it gets worse when they are mobile?  Good God, I thought it got easier.

"Awwwwww.  Makes me wish for another little one, or two.  Just kidding.  My two are plenty."

She starts moving away from me, but me, do I take the hint?  Nope.

"Are they sleeping well?"

"No." But she's thinking, of course, they aren't sleeping well at night.  They are babies, you idiot.  I barely get any sleep and barely managed to haul my ass to the gym, yet here you are, talking to me, when I just want to get the eff home, feed them, put them to bed, so I can shower.  And YOU should know better.

"Mine still don't sleep well.  Just wait until they are out of their cribs, and you hear the pitter patter of little feet across the floor at 2 am.  And you thought middle of the night feedings were bad, pfttt."  I smiled.

"Oh, and just you wait until they won't stay in the stroller anymore.  That's fun."

I am pretty sure she is staring at me with her mouth open now.

"Well, I'll let you be on your way now.  Good luck with those babies."

I walked away with mind full of images of babies and cuteness and loving memories of my non-mobile twin boys.

I'm pretty sure she walked away completely and utterly terrified of the years and months to come.

My work here is done.

Love and peace


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