Saturday, November 19, 2011

To Harness or Not to Harness

To harness or not to harness?  Your children that is.  I have always considered myself to be an anti-harness-er (is that even a word?), however, my beautiful, adoring, completely insane 3 year old twin boys are quickly encouraging me to rethink that position.  Of course, the reason I am even considering a leash, I mean harness for my children, is MY own damn fault, that’s what sucks the most…

I am, on a fairly regular basis (10 times per day, but who’s counting) smacking myself on the head (better than their heads) for selling my perfectly good chicco double stroller in a recent garage sale for a mere $15.  FIFTEEN DOLLARS and I sold my sanity and to a Jehovah’s witness no less. 

I thought they were ready, I thought I was ready.  I am definitely wishing for a time machine to make a quick jet back to that eventful day when I thought it would be a great idea to sell my sanity.  Most people wish for a time machine for other memorable, life changing events in their lives, you know, like the birth of a child, but no, not me.  I just want my stroller back.

So what if they, at 38 pounds looked like giants strapped in that wonderful contraption.  So what if, when we were in stores, they would scream and cry and twist and turn, causing fellow shoppers to glare at me for having the nerve to ruin their otherwise peaceful shopping experience.  So what if I would longingly stare at other mother’s 3 year old little boys who would hold hands in the mall, thinking to myself, yes, I think I can do this, they will stay with me, they love me….

HA HA HA!  Jokes on you MOM!  Instead, even after the stern discussions prior to entering retail establishments, about staying with me, about how they will get hurt if they run away, about how I will give them WHATEVER they want, if they will just stay with me (maybe a little more of a begging versus stern discussion, but whatever), the moment we enter a store I get the shit eating grins and off they go to wreak whatever chaos they are able to wreak while I chase them all the while blindly throwing groceries/toiletries/vodka into my cart (not too surprising that the bill winds up being 4x times what I had anticipated thanks to my little distractions).  

Why, you might ask, do I not utilize the beautiful carts with cars attached or the ones with the little seats?   Because they are ALWAYS broken, the straps, that is.  I have had many a discussion with customer service personnel at various and sundry establishments regarding these lack of safety devices, only to be told (quite rudely) that there is nothing they can do.  But I digress.  Back to the one person pity party I am having regarding my lack of stroller…

So to harness or not to harness, that is the question?  Honestly, I just can’t see strapping one of those monkey backpacks to my kid and going out in public with a straight face.  So here’s to praying they don’t kill themselves or anyone else in their quest for independence at the grocery store. 

Oh, stroller, how I miss thee
Let me count the ways…

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