Saturday, December 10, 2011

The little known side effect of being a NICU mommy

Sorry I’ve been a MIA the past several days.  Things have been a little crazy here. 

Oh, who am I kidding, I just haven’t felt like writing.  I’m entitled, right?  After all it is my blog.  It is probably a good thing that I am not a professional blogger.

I had a bit of a revelation today.   I kinda suck as a mom.  Okay, that may be a little extreme, but I had this revelation as my kid was screaming for a second glazed donut as an afternoon snack and I gave in. 

I shouldn’t have given him the first glazed donut to begin with.  But man, when that kid (take your pick, either one or both) look at me and say, “Please mommy. Donut, please,”  I am a complete and utter pushover. 

I know there are a lot of moms out there that would stick to their guns and under no circumstances give their kid a donut as a midafternoon snack.  But I am not one of them.  I also fix my kids multiple things to eat for lunch and dinner.  If they do not want turkey, I fix something else.  I wish I could be strong and say, “Either eat this, or nothing at all.”

I can’t.

I have a strong suspicion that my behavior now is a direct result of their premature entrance into the world.  From the moment they were born, everyone was obsessed with how much food they got.   When and exactly how many ounces they consumed was my job for the entire first year of their life.  For crying out loud, when they were learning how to breastfeed in the NICU, we had to weigh them before they nursed and then after they nursed to determine exactly how much milk they were able to get.  I think that scarred me for life.  I’ve been preoccupied with their weight and food intake ever since.

I am obsessed with how much my children eat.  I just want them to eat.  I don’t care what they ask for or when they ask for it.  I will generally give it to them.  While the rational part of my brain knows that they will not starve if they do not eat that second glazed donut, the irrational part of my brain is so worried that they will starve if they don’t eat that second glazed donut.  I know, totally insane thinking, right?

Lucky for me, the donut thing is an anomaly.  Usually they ask for somewhat healthy items, like vegetables, chicken, fish and fruit.  They do not eat a ton of junk food.  They do not like candy.  Thank you God for that one.  And my kids are not overweight at all; they are still in the 75% for weight and like 99% for height.  They are very active children and play hard. 

I just wish I could get over this irrational thinking. 

My kids will not starve, my kids will not starve, my kids will not starve.  Repeat every 5 seconds until it gets through your brain Andrea. 

Wishing you all a wonderful and non-obsessive weekend full of fun!

Love and peace


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