Thursday, January 26, 2012

Are you having more?

If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked me that question I would be one rich effing lady.  If you are reading this and you ever posed this question to me, it's okay, I forgive you.  Don't get me wrong... I am the queen of asking annoying questions (i.e. are you nursing?  are they twins? When are you due?  Oh, you're not pregnant?  Ooops, sorry.)  But man, am I sick of this one.

Are you having any more?

Kids, that is.

The answer to that one is a resounding, "HELL NO!"  Unless, of course God decides that I need another one and we are the .00000000000001 percent that get pregnant while on the mirena.  And by all means, if that happens, then bring it on.  Who am I to argue with God?

The biggest reason is my fear of getting sick again, and giving birth prematurely.  Once I hit 28 weeks with the boys, my liver said, "That's it I'm done.  I am revolting.  I don't want you to be pregnant anymore."  And that pesky liver almost just ruptured and then poof, I would have been done for and who knows if the turkeys would have made it.  That my body rejected the pregnancy is terrifying to me.  I don't want to risk another child's life.  I don't want my boys to grow up without a mother.  I don't want my husband to be without a wife.  Those are the serious reasons I don't want any more kiddos.  I wish I could be that super strong Catholic who could put it all in God's hands, I really do, but that fear is a pretty strong motivator.  Now let's move on to the other reasons.

Reason number 2:  I want to sleep again sometime before I reach the age of 40.  My kids suck at sleeping.  Some nights I get lucky and they each only wake up once.  Those nights are like a dream come true.  Most nights, however, one wakes up at 2:30 and I take him back to bed.  Then the other wakes up at 3:30, generally as soon as I've fallen back asleep, and I take him back to bed.  Then the other gets up at 5, well you get the picture.  It is horrible.  The only way to break this is to either lock them in their room or gate them in their room and I can't bring myself to do either.  I just hope that this is a phase they will grow out of soon.

Reason number 3:  We are ALMOST to kindergarten!  Woo hoo!  The idea of starting all over with a brand new baby when we are thisclose to kindergarten is just nuts.

Reason number 4 why I don't want to get pregnant again, is because I would probably end up with twins.  Again.  And because the universe is cruel, they would probably be boys.  I realize the odds of this happening are in actuality very slim.  However, whenever I see those shows on TLC about people freakishly giving birth to multiple sets of twins my heart starts beating a hell of lot faster and I damn near have a panic attack.  I got a text from a girlfriend the other day which is what precipitated the thoughts of this particular post.  She'd had a dream that I was pregnant with twins.  That alone scared the shit of me.  I don't think I will have sex for a least a month.  No reason to tempt fate.  My husband is cursing the girlfriend as we speak.

Reason number 5:  I would be 50 when the kid graduates from high school and that is just too damn old. No offense to those of you moms and dads who had kids after the age of 33 but it is not for me.  You know, unless God intervenes.

Before we went through all the premature stuff with the boys, I thought for sure I wanted lots of children.  Before I actually thought about it, I wanted a little girl.  I wanted a little girl who I could dress up in super cute headbands and dresses and tights.  I wanted a little girl who would grow into to a beautiful young woman and who would after the turbulence of adolescence become my best friend, much like my own mother is to me.  I wanted a little girl whom I could share that extraordinary mother/daughter bond with.

But then I thought about raising a little mini me and that overrode all the previous images out of my head.  Good grief, the mere thought of raising a mini me makes me shiver with fear.  I do not know how my parents made it through ages 13 - 25 without losing their ever-loving minds.

Guess God knew what he was doing after all, when he gave me my turkeys.  And NO, we are not having any more children.

Love and peace


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